


A Merry Linguini Christmas

by Rainah (RainahFiclets)



Series: A Part For You Too [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fluff, Ferrets, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9051304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainahFiclets/pseuds/Rainah
Summary: A reasonable and completely serious account of how Linguini the ferret joined the Hamilton household.
Or - William sneaks a ferret into his room. This will not end badly at all





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cellardoors_and_petrichor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellardoors_and_petrichor/gifts).



> So instead of the next Big Fic in this verse I wrote fluff instead. This is a gift for a wonderful [friend](http://cellardoors-and-petrichor.tumblr.com/), the one who contributed to naming Linguini. May your christmas be merry and bright.
> 
> For those joining us for the first time -
> 
> John, Alex and Eliza are in a V poly arrangement. Together they've raised a grand total of nine children (of various parentage) in a big crazy household. John's a stay at home dad, Eliza is a daycare teacher, Alex is currently in local politics. William and Jack are about 12 here, meaning Philip and Frances are in college and Angie's taking some time off school to Find Herself. The current pets include Hammie the elderly dog, to middle aged cats named Raul and Butthead, and John's turtles named Helen Sheller, Harriet Turtleman, and Marsha P Johnshell.

_Don’t panic_ , William Hamilton thought desperately. _Don’t panic._ He just had to come up with a reasonable explanation, that was all. There had to be some way to get out of this without any of his parents knowing.

“Is that…” his brother Jack said slowly, looking at the wiggling creature in William’s arms.

“It, ah-” What to say? That is was some futuristic toy he bought for Little Phil? That it was a school pet he was looking after for the holidays? No, Jack was his twin and they were in all the same classes. “Look, I can explain-”

“You did not sneak a _ferret_ into our room!” Jack shook his head in disbelief. “Mom is going to kill you! Pops is going to kill you! Dad-”

“Already has three turtles, he won’t be mad.” 

“But Mom is still going to kill you,” Jack said firmly. Still, he leaned closer to get a better look at the small creature.

“His name is Linguini,” William offered, holding him out. The ferret slithered out of his hands and, agile as a cat, ran over to investigate Jack.

Jack wrinkled his nose. “He smells.”

“Not really. And no one will notice if you don’t say anything.”

“Oh, AJ is definitely going to notice-”

“Please.” William waved him off. “He helped me smuggle Linguini in. I paid him $40 to keep quiet.” His older brother had told him, quite frankly, that he was being stupid. That there was no way to keep a ferret hidden in a suburban home containing six kids (Presently, as Philip, Frances and Angie had all moved out), three adults, two cats and an elderly labrador. 

It just wasn’t fair. Everyone else had pets. Hammie the dog had been Philip’s, but had basically become James’ when Philip left for college. Angie’s cat was still lurking around, as was Frances’. John had three turtles! He was allowed to want a pet of his own. 

Honestly, he was praying that with all of the commotion in the house no one would notice his little addition. “Look,” he tried, “just don’t say anything, okay? He’ll stay up here, no one has to know.”

“You can’t keep it secret forever!” Jack exclaimed. But Linguini was already in his lap, and Jack was patting him as he tried to escape. “Do you even know how long ferrets live?”

“Five to seven years. And not forever! Just… a little while. While I figure out how to tell them.”

Jack hesitated. “If you tell them I had _anything_ to do with this...”

“Never.”

“And you will keep his cage clean.”

“Of course!”

“And I’m not feeding him!”

William nodded sagely.

“Fine!” Jack lifted the creature up, smiling when it made the ferret yawn. “Linguini, huh? That is the dumbest name I have ever heard-”

“It’s not dumb-”

“Boys!” their dad’s voice called down the stairs. “Supper!”

“Alright, stick him back in his cage and let’s go,” William said. He was in such a hurry to race downstairs he hadn’t even bothered to ensure Jack did as he was told.

“What’s the rush, son?” John said as he reached the dinner table. His other father and mother were already seated, as were the gaggle of his remaining siblings that hadn’t yet reached college age. 

“Nothing!” William said, just as Jack followed him into the dining room. 

“We were going over some stuff,” Jack said smoothly. Behind them, AJ raised an eyebrow as if to say _really?_.

_Play along_ , William mouthed to him. It caught James’ eye, who frowned, so he had to leave it at that.

“What kind of stuff?” John was asking.

“You know, dad, stuff,” William said quickly. “School stuff.”

“William. School’s out for the holidays next week. I highly doubt that you have homework at this time of the year,” Eliza said dryly. 

“Seriously, Mom?” AJ groaned from the table. He was a far, far better actor than William would ever be. “It’s the holidays, must you go prying into our stuff? It’s obviously a present for you guys.”

“Ah, well.” Eliza smiled, gesturing that they all sit down. “In that case I think we can leave it.”

Alex’s chair was empty. Sure enough, no sooner had William sat down then he heard a thunder of his Pops’ feet on the hardwood floors. “Don’t forget!” Alex cried as he raced in and fell into his seat. “The parade is on Saturday. The Christmas parade.”

John snorted. “As you’ve been reminding us for weeks, Alex, honestly-”

And the dinner table, as always, descended into good natured bickering as they all chimed in, cut each other off, and elbowed one another in order to reach the food. It was lovely, ridiculous chaos.

Not quite chaotic enough, however, for William to miss the dark shape slipping cautiously down the stairs and pausing ever so often to sniff the air. 

He cursed. AJ, beside him, kicked him under the table. “Play natural,” he hissed, still following the discussion between their dads about a new healthcare bill.

Linguini had to be hungry, for upon reaching the main level of the house the first thing he did was scurry into the kitchen. _Let him stay there_ , William pleaded. _I can grab him on my way up and no one will be the wiser._ But he wasn’t counting on Raul, Frances’ grumpy old tabby.

At the first growl from the kitchen, John’s head whipped around. “What was that?”

“Raul,” AJ shrugged. His look to William said _you owe me more than $40 for all of this._ “Haven’t fed him yet.”

Another growl, then a crash. “I think I”m going to get more juice!” William cried. He practically ran into the kitchen.

“Linguini, where are you?” There weren’t that many places to hide in the kitchen, yet Linguini was in none of them.

Just when William was planning to give up and try the next room, Alex walked in.

“Will, I think we’re out of juice-” and then his Pops let out a screech. “Mouse!”

“Mouse?!” Eliza called from the dining room.

“Damn,” he heard AJ say softly.

“Linguini!” William dived towards where his Pops was pointing, scooping the ferret up with both hands. 

“It’s a mouse! A deformed mouse! Eliza, I think it came from the wall-”

“It’s a ferret,” John interrupted. “William, may I see him?”

“Yes, Dad.” It wasn’t as if they could put the ferret back in the metaphorical bag. William handed him over to his dad, fighting the urge to fidget.

“Male ferret, juvenile,” John said crisply. He was trying to be firm, but William knew his dad well. John loved animals more than anyone else in the family, and was always trying to argue to adopt any strays they found. “Do you want to explain this, William?”

“Ah-” William fidgeted. “Surprise?” 

Eliza broke in with, “William, we said no more pets-”

“But everyone else has one! James has one, Frances and Angie have cats and they don’t even _live_ here anymore.” It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. “I wanted something that was _mine_. Totally mine.”

Alex softened at that. He and John both looked at Eliza.

“Absolutely not. We are taking him back to the pet store. Right away.”

“Eliza…” John was petting Linguini’s head, smiling as the ferret yawned.

“My love…” Alex gave her his best puppy eyes.

“Come on, Mom!”

She let out a frustrated sound. “What kind of example would that set? That anyone can have any pet they want provided they sneak it in?”

“It can be a Christmas present!” William pleaded. He reached for Linguini, and when John relinquished him pulled the ferret tight to his chest. “Please, I swear I’m going to take care of him.” Eliza was stilling looking unimpressed. “Look how cute he is!”

“Come on, Betsey.” Alex wrapped his arms around her. “It’s Christmas.”

“It’s not Christmas for another week,” Eliza huffed. “Fine. If you take care of that thing, and keep it out of our way, then it can be your Christmas present.”

“His name in Linguini,” William said joyfully. 

“Linguini,” Eliza repeated. John laughed. “I guess it’s too late to change that?”

John reached down to pet Linguini’s head, his other hand ruffling William’s hair. “Merry Christmas, Linguini.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [here](http://www.thellamaduo.tumblr.com), where I love to chat
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are loved.


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